I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
