Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
