Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
