Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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