I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
