I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
