he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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