***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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