i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
