and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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