i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It's rum buckets o'clock
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
