Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
