i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
