i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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