She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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