How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
