I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
you never un-have a 4some
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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