Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
