I CAN MOONWALK!
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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