i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
