Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
