We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
