2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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