I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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