i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
