her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
this boner is exhausting
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Randomize
