My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
