Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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