Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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