The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
