so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize