Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm determined to sit on that face.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
