i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
