I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
