Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
