I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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