You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
