The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
