U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
