The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
