I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
