Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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