I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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