i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
