I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
