i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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