she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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