Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
