Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
