She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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