his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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