Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
