If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
