How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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