just tell him i said nine months
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
