I bet he comes in French.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Your cock deserves a montage
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
