College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
