grandma shit on top of the toilet
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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