either way he was missing a nipple.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
tell me about the eggs
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
