Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
