i always forget guys have bellybuttons
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
