Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
