I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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