I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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