he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
