I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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