I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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