using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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