he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
