I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
