Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
