I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
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We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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