I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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