I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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