The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
